The way that we engage in the process has everything to do with its outcome. The way we get there is what we get.
In the game of relationship, feelings do matter. They matter a lot, not just because we share a very personal and (hopefully) caring connection but because if only one of us is satisfied with the outcome of a interaction, we are both negatively impacted since the overall quality of trust, safety, respect, and love in the relationship has been diminished by an adversarial encounter. There are no real winners when one of us feels like a loser, whether it’s been because the “winner” used coercion or some other forms of manipulation to prevail, or the “loser” has simply given up in resignation and is unwilling to continue to struggle and argue.
Resignation inevitably turns into resentment and over time, these accumulated defeats take a huge toll on the level of goodwill in the relationship.
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