martes, 30 de noviembre de 2010

Planes, trains and automobiles

Neil Page: Goddamn!

Del Griffith: What? What?

Neil Page: That's it!

Del Griffith: If I don't clear my sinuses I will snore all night. Gees...! if your kid spills his milk, what do you do, slap him in the head?

Neil Page: What? What? What? What is that supposed to mean?

Del Griffith: You are not a very tolerant person.

Neil Page: Look, you been under my skin since New York... starting by ripping off my cab!

Del Griffith: God, you're a tight-ass.

Neil Page: How would you like a mouthful of teeth?

Del Griffith: Oh! And hostile too! Nice personality combination: Hostile and intolerant. That's borderline criminal.

Neil Page: Screw you! You spilled beer all over the bed, you smoke, you messed up the bathroom...

Del Griffith: Well, who let you stay in the room? I even let you pay for it so you wouldn't feel like an intruder which you most certainly are!

Neil Page: Oh! I'm an intruder?

Del Griffith: Yes you are an intruder! I was having a perfectly nice trip until you walked into my life!

Neil Page: Oh I walked into your life. Who was it that talked my ear off on the plane? Who was that? I'm curious.

Del Griffith: Well who told you to book a room? I did out of the goodness of my dumb old heart! Boy you are an ungrateful jackass! Well go ahead, sleep in the lobby, see if I care! I hope you wake up so stiff you can't even move!

Neil Page: You're no saint. You got a free cab, you got a free room... and someone who listen to your boring stories! I mean... didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some sort of clue, like maybe this guy is not enjoying it? Y'know, not everything is an anecdote, you have to discriminate! You choose things are funny or mildly amusing or interesting! You're a miracle! Your stories have none of that! They're not even amusing accidentally! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for ya! And, oh, here's a gun so you can blow your brains out, you'll thank me for it!"... I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could sit there, and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face! And they'd say, how can you stand it? And I'd say, because I've been with Del Griffith, I can take anything! Y'know what they'd say, they'd say, "I know what you mean, shower curtain ring guy...whoa!" It's like going on a date with a Chatty-Kathy doll. I expect you to have a little string on your chest that you pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back, you would! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh!! And by the way, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!

(Long pause)

Del Griffith: You want to hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right: I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold, hard cynic like you. But I don't like to hurt people's feelings. You think what you want about me, I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. Because I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

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